The struggle between mind and body, who I am vs. who I need to be

There are many days that pass that I wish parts of my personality were different than they are. Let me explain: I can get really excited about doing something like (in this case) making a dinner menu, picking up the ingredients, making, and freezing enough meals for a week (or two). This would make things a lot less time consuming in the evening.

So...I made the menu, bought most of the ingredients, and put everything in the refrigerator so that on Saturday (today!) I could start this new endeavor. I ate breakfast this morning and set out to do just this. However, I just don't want to do it. I am standing in the kitchen, cook book open, thinking "why am I doing this again?" Why can't I just have the personality of a woman who likes to cook, clean, and take care of her family. I mean, I do like to take care of my family but I could definitely go without the cooking and cleaning part. :)

It comes down to this: Should I conform to what people think I should be as a housewife/stay-at-home-mom or should I conform the role to myself. I choose the latter -- but then I feel bad about it. I don't know...it is really a struggle between the mind and body, what I feel I need to be and what I really am.

*Sorry for the poor editing*

I love my children and my husband more than anything in this world - does this mean I have to love the role as a housewive? When I think of this I think of my sister-in-law, Ellen. I have to say that I respect the fact that this is what she wants for herself. She knows she wants to be a mother and housewife and I am sure she will be great at it. She enjoys staying home all day cooking, cleaning, and (when the time comes) taking care of her children. *sigh* I sometimes wish I could be content in doing these things but then I feel like I am fighting who I really am. I liken it to a paragraph in the book "Eclipse". The main character is standing at her refrigerator lining up magnets when she realized that the two strongest magnets mess up the alignment of all of the other magnets. The only way to get them to line up is to flip over (change) the strong magnet. So, I realize I can either conform or change -- sitting her typing this now I am realizing that the latter is not really an option. I like who I am. I just need to find a way to mold my personality around this role as a housewife. Have I ever mentioned that I REALLY dislike that term? Ugh.

I just can't believe that I have been doing this for over 3 years now and I still haven't figured it out. I just keep fighting who I am...Can I really blame it on society? I don't know. I guess I will keep working to find the right balance and tweek it as I go.