Being a military spouse and mom (part 1: deployments)

There are lots of bad things that can be said about being a military mom/spouse. I could definitely compile a list and that list would definitely be longer while my husband is deployed (and I am hating the Army life x 1000). That would be the first thing on my list: deployments. There is no easy way of saying it: DEPLOYMENTS STINK! (If I was a "cussing" person, I could probably come up with many more colorful descriptions that would put this one to shame). Not only do deployments effect the immediate family (wife/husband and children) of those deployed but they also effect family and friends. Seth's first deployment came not long after the "Fight on terror" started in 2003. That wasn't when deployments first touched our lives, though. Seth had several friends (including his best friend, John) that couldn't make it to the grand occasion of our wedding in March of 2003 because they were on the first wave of deployments after the war started. This was my first taste of the Army/military life. Seth deployed in 2004 to Iraq for 6 months. I know! I had it easy. My best friend's husband was gone for 15 months (and they had already had their precious little girl).

...and then Kailee came. :) Of course, in the military, there are 3 types of babies: pre-deployment babies, post-deployment babies, and R&R babies. Kailee was a post-deployment baby. While Seth was deployed, I couldn't help but think that if something DID happen to him, I wouldn't have anything to remember him by. I know it sounds weird but at the time, this is truly what I was thinking. Deployments really mess with your mind, your emotions. It was rough. War-time emotions were running on high at the time -- with EVERYONE, not just the military families. I was working in a mall through college and I can't count the number of times some bumbling idiot (yes, I know that isn't very nice) would come into the store ranting about how he was mad at the soldiers (of all people!) for being in Iraq because they chose to join the military. Are you kidding me?!!? I was irate. How could someone be mad at the soldiers??? I still can't make since of that one. I am truly one of those people that think believe that you don't/didn't have to agree with the war (or the reasons we were there) to support the troops. My point is this -- you can't really understand the military lifestyle unless you are living it. It is a constant push and pull.

All of this being said and as strange as this may sounds, deployments really brought out the best in me as a mother. When Seth was/is home, I rely on him for help with the girls, pets, house, etc. In doing this, I often found/find myself slacking in these areas -- thinking that Seth could read the girls (or, at the time, it was only Kailee) a story, he could change the poopy diaper, he could unload the dishwasher, he could mow the lawn...I equate Seth being deployed to taking a full load of classes in college (like 19 or 20 hours). I did this one semester and it made me stay "on the ball". I had not time to slack. If I allowed myself that moment of weakness, it would be like an avalanche; my grades would take a turn for the worse very quickly. The same can be said about deployments (in my case, that is). When Seth is gone, somehow, it was, dare I say, easier? Physically, easier -- I had no choice, as a parent, but to do everything in my power to cater to Kailee's best interests. She wanted a story, she got it. The yard needed to be mowed, I did it. Everything stayed in order because I felt that is the one thing I had control of. If I were to let just one thing slip, it would all go spiraling out of my control.

Emotionally, this was another story and this is what inevitably led to Seth getting out of the Army all together...

(*more to come*)