Those moments...a very sad, personal blog.

FOREWARNING: I am writing this while pretty emotionally distraught. Do not read if you don't want to hear about a pretty personal, sad time in my life. I know I am a pretty happy-go-lucky type gal but we all have our hard times and for tonight I felt the need to write about one of mine. I am only writing this as a form of "therapy"...to talk about a truly amazing man.

Honestly, I don't even know how to start this blog. First I must say that it is rare for me to write from a place of raw emotion. I do tend to ramble in my blogs but, believe it or not, I do think things through as I am writing them. This is a little different for me but I really think it will help with the emotions I am feeling at the moment. Bare with me...

I just finished watching another one of my favorite silly shows: America's Got Talent. (yes, yes, I know...) There was a contestant that walked on stage dressed like he was from the country -- hat on backwards, large, old school sweat shirt, tennis shoes, etc. When he started talking about being from Maysville, KY and catching chickens for a living I was intrigued because it was such a stark contrast from the regular "Hollywood" scene. I just kept doing what I was doing (checking email) while I listened to the show playing in the background. Yes, folks, I can, on occasion, multi-task. :) The man, Kevin Skinnard, went on to say that he was going to sing a Garth Brooks song: If Tomorrow Never Comes.

I can't put into words how I am feeling right now. It is so weird how the most random things can bring out such a flood of pentup memories and emotions. )Luckily Seth and the girls are in bed or else they might think I had lost my mind. haha)

So, anway, this guys starts to sing and though he is not amazing...he can sing pretty well. For some reason, he really reminded me of my step dad, Lonnie. Lonnie died of cancer almost 7 years ago. When he got sick it was really hard for me because my mom and Lonnie had gotten a divorce (I was still in high school) and he was remarried to someone else. I didn't see him a lot...but I loved him so much it hurt. Let me say that although I have a good relationship with my dad now, he wasn't always there (and I'm not pointing fingers here -- I don't know who's fault it was...it depends on who you ask), Lonnie was. He was there those times in my life when I needed a dad there for the every day, day-to-day. At the time Lonnie died I was dating a horrible guy and just got so consumed with my own life that I didn't visit much...I kick myself for this all the time. I'm sure he wasn't perfect but I didn't see that at the time...even now. He was a great man. He had an infectious spirit. Lonnie understood me...there are so many little things that I could go into right now that were so great about him -- the small, every day things -- but I won't bore you with that. ha. Let's just say that Lonnie was "country" through and through. I have changed a lot in the last 7 years and gone away from my "country" ways. Some people think I have changed for the better and some think I have changed for the worse. Lonnie would have loved me for who I was and who I had become. He was an amazing man...and he didn't even realize it. There are very few people in my family who have this unconditional, no boundaries type love. I can't even say I have that all the time...

I desperately wish Seth could have met Lonnie. They would have loved each other. haha. I can just hear him saying to Seth: "West Point? What's that?" Because those things didn't matter to him. It was all about love and family. My girls would have LOVED him and he them!

I have asked God many times "why?". Obviously I don't know that answer and won't until I join them in Heaven some day. Lonnie wasn't a religious person. I don't think he ever stepped foot in a church in all the time he and my mom were married. We never really talked about it. I became a Christian in the summer of 1996 while my mom and Lonnie were still married. I prayed for my family (a lot) to come to know Christ. It wasn't until Lonnie was laying in the hospital bed the day before he died that he did come to know Him. I vividly remember it. I had brought my Bible with me that day to see him because I was concerned that no one had talked to him about the life to come after his life here with us. I would have never forgiven myself if I hadn't at least tried. I spoke to Lonnie's wife and told her my intent; she informed me that a preacher had come to talk to Lonnie earlier in the day. When I walked in a walked over to him, gaunt and barely "with us", my heart ached. He didn't really recognize anyone at this point -- it was hit and miss. He kept the morphine button in his hand all the time and would hit it over and over. He looked over at me and the same old spark came back in his eye just long enough for me to know that he knew who I was and that I was there. He put that button down and reached for me. My memory fails me now and I can't remember what "term of endearment" he used at the moment but he definitely knew who I was. My heart soared and at the same time it was breaking and there was a piece of it that would be gone forever. I put on a smile and walked over to him, taking his hand. He looked at me and said "I'm praying for you." I can't even begin to describe how that felt. There are no words. How could someone who was lying here in this bed, within hours of dying, be praying for me? This God we serve is amazing! To know that I will see Lonnie again...to hear him sing Red Sovine's "Daddy's Girl" in that deep voice with a country twange to me again...

I miss him so much and though I am not ready to leave this world, I look forward to the day we meet again. I love you, Lonnie. I will tell my girls about you and I will never forget. I pray they, too, will meet you someday.

Finding joy and appreciation in/for the unexpected intercessor(s)

Throughout my life I have learned that there are many different types of people in this world. I have heard the saying "It takes all kinds..." more times than I can begin to recall. I truly think that as we grow into ourselves (the selves that God ultimately would have us become and realize we are), we outgrow friends. I believe that there are three types of friends: 1) friends that are brought into our lives for a short time and teach us something about ourselves, 2) Life long friends that totally "get" you and understand that you develop and change throughout life and they continue to appreciate you for who you are and what you can bring to one anothers' lives. This second set of friends are the ones you can sit in the same room with and not say a word but leave feeling fulfilled and 3) A friend that is unlike you in so many ways that it just seems like the friendship could never work to the outsider, yet when you talk to or hang out with that person somehow it just works.

In my lifetime I have had a lot of friends that fall into the first category. These are the friends you might work with for a couple years, you hang out with, and then when you (or the other person) leaves their job, you move on; most of the time, better (or more well-rounded) for knowing the person. I have also found that I have a lot of friends in this category that I never thought would be in this category while I was actually in the friendship; most of my high school friends fall into this category. People change.

(*WARNING: I am about to rant for just a second*)
There is nothing that drives me more crazy than when someone doesn't just appreciate the friendship for what it was and accept that sometimes people change...and just because they change doesn't mean that they think they are "better than you" or "above you" it just means that they are a different person. I think change is healthy. I am the same person that I was in high school and yet I am not. My personality is the same but my views on life are quite a bit different. ENJOY PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE--NOT WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE.

(*Stepping off my soap box*)

I, also, have had (and still have) the privilege of having the second type of friend. Actually, I can say I have 3 VERY CLOSE friends...I guess some call them "best friends". Amazingly, my three best friends (I love you guys!) are all very different people -- different from each other and, in a lot of ways, different from myself. But these are definitely the women I know I can turn to for anything...at any time.

...and then there are the third type of friends. These are the types of friends that actually prompted the writing of this email. In my experience, the friendship is so unlikely and then you actually sit down and talk to this person and you find that on some level you really "click". I do think this third type of friend can (and will), more than likely, also fall into one of the aforementioned categories.

I was on the phone with my SIL the other day and for some reason it just dawned on me that we are so different and yet we really enjoy one another's company (or at least, I enjoy hers -- haha). It is a lot of fun hanging out with her. There are a lot of ways that we are different but the biggest difference is our view of religion and politics (the two big ones!). I am a Christian and she is atheist (I think). :) I am pretty conservative and she is pretty liberal. The more I think of our differences, the more I am amazed we can even be in the same room with one another. haha. And yet, she has come to visit me on more than one occasion (even flying all the way across the country to visit in NC once).

So, how does this third type of friendship happen? Who knows. I think they should just be appreciated for what they are. My SIL has completely different religious views than myself. Many Christians would say this is a bad thing. That I shouldn't intermingle with someone with different beliefs than myself. I have to disagree. Although she does not agree with me on this level, she has taught me to see other people's viewpoints and take them for what they are...Do we always have to agree with one another? Of course not. Do I wish she were a Christian? Of course I do. I would be lying if I said I didn't. Do I push my religious beliefs on her? No. If she decides to believe in Jesus as the sacrificial Savior and God as the omnipotent "being" that he is (I am sure she might think "what if God is a 'she'?" here - haha) then that is up to her...it is not my place to make her uncomfortable and it is not my place to judge. There is only one Judge and it most certainly isn't me.

I guess that is partially what it boils down to. The main thing we both have in common is the fact that we aren't judgemental.

You know, I just don't know. I think that somewhere deep down, you just have a "connection" with a person/people that is natural. I believe that God does this for a reason. Do I think he sent my SIL my way?...of course I do...and I will continue to thank him for this unexpected intercessor in my life. :)

(*sidenote) As I was looking for a picture for this blog it dawned on me that the third types of friendship are like the lion and the lamp. ;)


FYI: I started this email a week or two ago and am just now sitting down to finish it. This has taught me something -- ALWAYS finish your thoughts before stopping because my point has been diminished someone because my thought process has been thrown off track. Sheesh...I was on a roll...that is what I get for stopping 1/2 way through -- I forgot 1/2 the things I wanted to say.

Money saving ideas...can be complicated but it doesn't have to bed...

So, I have been asked several times this week how I find such good deals and/or how I save money when shopping online. I thought I would share a couple of my secrets. ;)

First, before I buy anything (and oftentimes I am not even buying anything but want to see what sort of deals are posted for the day, I visit [url=slickdeals.net]THIS[/url] site. The site takes a little getting used to. The front page are the headlined "super hot" deals for the day (and the past few days). The moderators decide what go on this page. If there is something in particular you are looking for a good deal on, just go to the search engine at the top right side of the page and type what you are looking for in the search box. The listings pop up in order of most recent posting. This is my go-to site for everything before buying. Not only can I find info on sales but there are also places on the site to search for freebies, coupons, etc. There is even a place to just chat or to start a thread asking for someone to help you find a good deal on something. I don't usually use a lot of the features of the site but if you just look around, you can find some pretty interesting stuff.

Daily I do a search for children, childrens, baby, and stroller. ;) Some days nothing pops up and some days great deals like the P&T and Baby Jogger pop up. YAY!!

Another site I use is [url=www.bigcrumbs.com]Bigcrumbs.com[/url]. This is a cash back site that is attached to your Paypal account. I have been using this for about a year (or more) now and I love it. The cash back isn't always a ton depending on the company. You can even get cash back on eBay. It is a percentage of the seller's fees. :) To me, pennies add up.

There is a whole other side to Big Crumbs that might appeal to some and may not appeal to others. It is actually a reputable site (backed by the Better Business Bureau -- or else I would have never tried it) to make money, not just save money. It is like one of those pyramid deals where when I make money, you make money...except that it is really legitimate. I started using this while I was running my eBay business to generate a little extra income. I would give people the website and my referral name and when they bought something later, whether it was from eBay or any other website, I got cash back for their purchases too. WOO HOO!

So, if you decide to use Big Crumbs, when you first sign up for your account you have to decide if you want to be a “crumb earner” or a “crumb saver”. Once you decide, you can’t change it. If you are a crumb earner, you get a high cash back percentage from other peoples’ purchases and less cash back from your own purchases. If you are a crumb saver, it is the other way around. The crumb saver status is designed for people who do more shopping for themselves, the crumb earner status is more for people who are going to try to spread the word and make money from other peoples’ purchases. This is what I did and sometimes (especially now that I am not running the eBay deal anymore) I kick myself for it.

Big Crumbs has 100’s of stores to get cash back from…including the normal ones: Target, Walmart, etc…

Anyway…if you have any questions about Big Crumbs, let me know and I will try to help.

If you do sign up, please add me as your “referrer” at the bottom of the sign up page: mrsmarycandice . This way, every time you buy something, I make a few cents too. ;) Don’t worry, it doesn’t show me what you are buying, just that I made a few cents. Woo Hoo!!

All of this to say -- when I start shopping for something, I always start at these two sites.

P.S. One of the best deals I have gotten on Big Crumbs is through Letstalk.com (linking through Big Crumbs). If can get as much as $67.50 back!! YEAH!!!

There is one more website and it, too, is tied to your Paypal account. Basically, Microsoft paired up with a search engine company, Live.com, and started paying people if they went to live.com to search (instead of say, Yahoo) and then purchased something from a site like eBay. At one point, the live.com cash back amount for eBay Buy-It-Now purchases was around 35-40%!! Right now it is only 8% but I think it will probably go up again. In order to take advantage of the 8% cash back through live.com (now called Bing.com -- they just sold out to Bing), just go to Bing.com and in the upper right corner of the page, click “extras, your cash back account”. On the next page, click “sign up”. IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A HOTMAIL ACCT, YOU DON’T HAVE TO SIGN UP, ONLY SIGN IN. You will have to create a live.com/hotmail account. (It is soo worth it). Once you jump through all of the hoops of setting up an acct (or not), it should direct you to attach this to your Paypal account.

After doing this, go back to Bing.com and click “extras, your cash back acct” again. Now that you already have an acct, just sign in. This page shows all of your pending cash back purchases (sometimes it takes 60 days for the cash back to clear and others it takes 24 hours). On the left side of the page click “shopping”. Scroll down about ½ way and click “see all stores”. This will give you a list of stores and how much cash back you get for shopping at that particular store.

On Bing, eBay does not show up under the listed “stores”. You have to access it in sort of a strange way (and, yes, I have done this -- haha). For cash back on eBay purchases through Bing.com (This is almost always better than Big Crumbs), go to Bing.com and in the search box, type in “Wii”. (Don’t ask). The first thing that pops up will be a link to eBay. It will have a little gold coin beside it saying you can get 8% cashback with paypal if eligible. If you link your Bing.com acct to your Paypal acct (see above) you are eligible. Click this link. This will take you to eBay with search results for the Nintendo Wii showing. From here, just do your search the normal way and when you click the button to make your purchase (IT HAS TO BE A BUY-IT-NOW ITEM), you will see a spot on the next page (confirmation) that shows the amount of cash back you will receive. Again, right now eBay is 8% but it does go up…


I will usually compare Big Crumbs and Bing.com to see who has the better cash back. It fluctuates with both (more so with bing.com).


I KNOW THIS SEEMS LIKE A LOT TO TAKE IT BUT IT REALLY ISN’T THAT BAD. J Let me know if you guys don’t understand or just don’t care…It will not bother me at all. Hashanah

Good luck shopping.